How to speak with confidence – tips I wish I’d had on TV!
We all have to speak while nervous from time to time. Sometimes it’s for a presentation at work or a wedding toast. Or maybe during a breakup, or a first date!
In any of these situations, it’s natural to feel jittery. Sometimes that turns into literally shaking. It can also show up as excessive gesturing, a high-pitched voice, speaking too fast or sounding phony. These manifestations can exacerbate lurking self-doubt, and they sabotage our message.
I still vividly remember my second time on TV, at the very beginning of my career as a reporter. Instead of ending the report with “back to you,” or “reporting live from …,” I said “thank you!” as though I’d just accepted an award on stage. Awkward …
I got better with time but still went my entire TV career without knowing how best to handle my nerves. I can see it now, watching old clips. When nerves flared up, I mostly compensated by acting like an anchor. I played the part. I didn’t use my real voice. I wasn’t myself. It got the job done, but this probably explains why I didn’t love the job, and I wasn’t great at it, either.
Here are some tips I wish I’d had back then.
1. Ground down in your feet. Feel your feet pressing into the floor beneath you. Tune into that contact. When we’re nervous, our energy is too high. There’s too much of it (think of that buzzing rush you feel), and it’s up too high in our bodies, concentrated from the shoulders up.
Pressing down in your feet helps ground some of that frenzied energy. It gets us out of our heads, more viscerally in the moment, and it brings energy down.
I use this strategy before TV interviews now. But I also use it in my personal life, like a few years ago, during a breakup. My ex and I had been together for 10 years. We had broken up before, but it never stuck. Finally, one night, I stood in front of him, grounded down in my feet, made sure I kept breathing and delivered one of the most necessary and vital messages of my life. It was a major turning point.
2. Breath formula. Nerves make breath shallow. Sometimes they even make us winded. Breath formula involves pausing to inhale and speaking on your exhale. It sounds simple enough, but it takes very conscious attention. Breath formula initially sounds choppy, but with practice, it’s a powerful tool. I used it in that breakup conversation. And in my wedding vows a few years later.
Caroline Goyder, an author and former voice coach at London’s Central School of Speech and Drama, says actors are trained to have more relaxed breath and be more still when they play powerful figures, like a king or queen. Even if you don’t use the specific breath formula technique, at least slow down and focus on steadying your inhales and exhales. Conscious breath levels out erratic energy, and it’s a powerful way to nourish and care for ourselves.
These two techniques — grounding down and breath formula — are subtle, but huge. Through trial and sometimes embarrassing error, I’ve learned what a difference they make. And how life-changing they can be.