The nagging way we stunt our growth and flow
There’s a natural intelligence and flow to life — and we have a super pesky way of blocking it.
I love the way Marianne Williamson describes this: “Embryos turn into babies; buds turn into blossoms; acorns turn into oak trees. The same programming that exists in them exists in each of us — to manifest our highest potential. What is the difference between those things and us? That we can say no …”
Sometimes we literally say “no.” Opportunities arise and we turn away. But more often, this is subtle and unconscious. I notice it mostly as longing for things to be different than they are. Resolutely saying, “no, not this!” when faced with things we don’t like.
I had a poignant experience of this during a breakup in my late 20s. I desperately wanted the relationship to work. I was committed. He was not.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night after we’d parted ways, and feeling a wave of dread and a sense of “no, no, no, no, no, no, no,” set in as I came to and remembered what was going on. Thankfully, by that point, I’d done some yoga and learned about mindfulness enough to recognize what I was doing. My whole body was tightening as I was physically and mentally fighting the situation. I noticed this, and knowing it wasn’t ideal, took a deep breath and attempted to do the opposite.
I relaxed my body, stopped physically and mentally bracing myself, and breathed deeply. I surrendered. Instead of fighting, tightening, and grasping, I softened and let go. It was a surreal and powerful experience. I felt a visceral contrast between resisting and allowing. It was uncomfortable, and I remember getting really hot… but that’s it. Next thing I knew, it was morning.
I easily could have stayed up all night, entangled in my sorrow and resistance. Instead, I experimented with dropping my armor. I didn’t suddenly accept and celebrate being dumped. I just stopped explicitly and intrinsically saying “no.” It was a huge breakthrough. I learned I’d heal faster and suffer less if I stopped resisting.
Of course, we don’t have to enthusiastically say “yes!” to situations that stink. But if we can at least move away from “no,” we’ll move forward, toward opportunity and potential. It takes breathing deeply, physically softening and being willing to release fierce longings when they differ from reality.
In my experience, little moments of allowing — those occasional mindful pauses — add up and can transform. Sometimes even overnight.