A secret ingredient to enjoying your life more
How much do you enjoy your life?
I’m pretty sure that’s the point of this whole thing. Life won’t always go our way, be completely fair, or without hard times, but I think it’s ultimately meant to be enjoyed as much as possible.
I’d say it’s going well for me — but I feel like I have to say that. I’m incredibly lucky for so many things, so I would never say otherwise. I am very blessed, and I don’t want to ever take a moment for granted.
And, if I’m being really honest, “enjoyment” is not the way I live. I have moments, but it’s pretty removed from my day-to-day.
This is the case partly because enjoyment isn’t top of mind. It’s also because I almost always have some kind of angst that gets in the way —something I’m stressed about, worried about, some kind of pressure, or sadness…maybe I’m just really tired. But it feels like there’s always a struggle that takes my attention away from ease and enjoyment.
The other day, for example, I was at a friend’s house for a playdate. It was a really nice time. I truly love this friend, and her kids are adorable and sweet. But did I enjoy myself? Well, sure, a little bit. But there was a barrier. In this particular case, what got in the way — because again, it’s almost always something — was comparison.
She has two healthy kids. I was there with my daughter, who has had such a hard run. She’s 5 years old, and I’ve lost count of the number of surgeries she’s had. After eight, it just became “a lot.” Her development and health picture will always be challenging and unique.
I started thinking about that.
Then I noticed what a better setup my friend has in her house for her kids. She clearly plays with them more than I play with mine….
Then I started thinking about her hair. It’s so pretty. Why is mine always such a mess? Enter spiral.
On the bright side, I’m very committed to not fully collapsing into traps like this anymore, so I caught it happening, gave myself some grace, mentally sent love to my friend and her family, and carried on. But again — did I enjoy myself?
Not as much as I could have.
Comparison is a classic enjoyment blocker. You’ve probably heard the adage “comparison is the thief of joy.” I’d argue it’s one of many; ignorance is another.
This ties into why enjoyment isn’t top of mind. We don’t actively realize how important it is. Life demands so much that we lose track of it, and almost forget how to stop and enjoy.
We know how to work, be busy, get things done, and on the flipside how to power down and veg out with phones, TVs, food, drinks, drugs, etc.
Everyday enjoyment feels like a lost art.
I’ve been reflecting on this because I long for more enjoyment, beyond occasional dinner dates with friends, vacations and episodes of “Succession.” I want to find enjoyment in this whole wild adventure. I want to savor and delight in the gifts and beauty that are actually always right there, in the day to day, under the angst du jour.
So, here’s what I have concluded is the answer, the key to overcoming all forms of enjoyment blocks: Gratitude. I’m focusing on this intently, and it makes a difference.
Enjoyment means taking pleasure, and we can only find pleasure in things that we appreciate. So, gratitude needs to be a conscious practice. It’s the secret ingredient. Gratitude opens the door for taking pleasure, for enjoyment.
I go through phases with how to consciously practice gratitude, but it always helps to have a system. My system right now is really a goal: Start and end the day by noting things I’m grateful for, and during the day, I’ve placed a whiteboard on the refrigerator with the heading: “We are so grateful for…”
I’ve tried to turn this into a family thing, to help it stick for all of us. I add things like “this beautiful, sunny day.” My 3-year-old dictates things like my teddy bear, my toys and Mommy, which skyrockets my appreciation and enjoyment!
Gratitude makes all obstacles to enjoyment less front and center. It turns our focus to what’s good, what’s working. The more we recognize that stuff, the more we enjoy it.
I invite you to try this with me. Really focus on gratitude (with a system that works for you), then sit back, relax and the welcome enjoyment in.
