Self-growth and genuine change start with mindfulness
Mindfulness is a foundational element of self-growth and positive change.
I’d venture to say it’s the single most important skill we can build and continuously cultivate as we seek to improve the quality of our lives. Instead of focusing on any of the various things we want to change about ourselves — eating habits, how we handle stress, financial status, whatever it may be— focusing just on becoming more mindful is the power move. It sets us up to actually initiate any of the changes we desire. It’s a recipe for more enjoyment, too.
Mindfulness makes us conscious. Conscious people make better choices and have better outcomes.
In this column, I write about ways to support and care for ourselves so that we feel well, thrive and can truly show up for others. I write about things like infusing our days with more gratitude, gently releasing destructive thoughts, pausing in heated moments instead of auto-reacting. I try to offer practical, potentially transformative tools and practices. But they’re all just a bunch of cute ideas if we’re not mindful enough to incorporate them.
Mindfulness is something we need to experience. It’s hard to put into words, but here’s my attempt:
Mindfulness is the ability to be intentionally present and aware of the happenings both around and within us. From that place of mindful awareness, we can choose. We don’t just kneejerk autoreact. We’re conscious. We’re positioned to decide and discern how and who we want to be.
A moment of mindfulness in a disagreement, for example, might prompt a wiser choice of words. Instead of reactively firing off an insult, we might recognize that we’re worked up and relay that we need a timeout. Mindfulness yields more intentional choices, which always tee up more optimal outcomes.
This general principle underlies the cookbook I wrote a few years ago, too. The book categorizes recipes by how they make you feel: refreshed, peaceful, comforted, treated or indulged. Those categories are obviously subjective. I use them to offer a general sense, and mainly to increase awareness of how foods affect the way we feel. When we’re more aware and mindful of how foods make us feel, we eat better.
So, how can we build up these coveted mindfulness skills? It takes practice, and it’s a lifetime’s work.
I’ve been focused on this for a while now, and it’s still pretty touch-and-go. I have a lot of mindful moments (which feel awesome, by the way; those moments of calm in the eye of the storm make me feel a wise and enlightened fairy godmother), but then, next thing I know, I’m having overly dramatic reaction to something dumb like the dishwasher.
But here are some of the ways I’m trying to build the skill more and more.
1. Pick out a trigger.
The main one I use is the clock. Whenever all the digits on the clock read the same, e.g. 11:11, 2:22, 3:33, etc., this reminds me to pause and check in.
I usually take a deep breath and tune into the sensation in my body (because that’s how I’m best able to extract from the thoughts and narrative in my head). Then, I mentally say, “just this,” as a way to reinforce my focus on just this sensation and the palpable vitality of right now.
There’s obviously a lot of room to personalize this so that it works for you. In the past, I’d tune into sensation, feel myself drop into the moment, and say a short prayer, which typically was as simple as “thank you.”
Whatever style works for you, this exercise initiates presence, which is an important aspect of mindfulness.
2. Make it a point to step back, within your own mind, to notice the moment.
How does your body feel, what thoughts are going on in your head, what’s happening around you? Step into the role of objective observer. Just take a few moments to witness, without judgement, what’s going on. This is classic mindfulness.
3. Meditate.
This a tried-and-true way to build mindfulness skills, and it typically includes aspects of both No.s 1 and 2.
In any kind of meditation practice, staying aware is the key: noticing when we mentally wonder, noticing our reactions to that wondering, then nonjudgmentally returning attention to the object of the meditation again (breath, a mantra, visualization, etc.) again and again. After every distraction, we “simply begin again,” as author and meditation teacher Joseph Goldstein puts it. This probably the best way to build our mindfulness muscles.
Ultimately, we can pause and tune into mindful awareness anytime, anywhere, any moment. The more we do, the more we build the skill and can make intentional choices and direct our lives in a conscious way.
Mindfulness can serve us well. If you’re interested in digging into this with me, I have a few programs on my website. I offer free biweekly meditations and a membership program that’s all about building mindfulness up.
This can be a big and enigmatic concept, but mindfulness is also as small and tangible as this moment. It’s the work of our lifetimes, and mostly, the work of right now.
