Try these 3 steps for a lighter headspace
We tend to think of health and wellness in terms of diet, exercise and other physical concepts like how much we sleep. But one of the greatest indicators of wellbeing is deeper: It’s how we think.
The way we think determines what we perceive and experience; it determines our quality of life.
We do all kinds physical exercise but rarely devote to training our minds. That might be okay if our thoughts leaned optimistic and productive, but that’s not the case.
Left unchecked, our minds and the rampant thoughts that occupy them are wild and unruly. Negativity, destruction and confusion abound. This matters: When we don’t know how to handle the erratic activity in our heads, it plays out in our lives.
I think about this a lot. Maybe my head is extra screwy. I never claim to have all the answers, but as I keep meditating, studying and learning what works and doesn’t work in my own life, I’m finding that three particular practices are essential if we want to rise out of the muck.
The first, which I talk a lot about, is noticing. Meditation is a great tool for this. We need a level of awareness of what’s going on in our heads. What do we say to ourselves? Just having this knowledge means we’ve learned to be somewhat less absorbed in our mental narratives. Once we notice our thoughts, we can choose how to handle them.
That’s the second practice: Choose which thoughts to listen to, and which to simply let pass, to ignore. This practice is done in real-time.
Say I’m enjoying a cup of coffee in the sunshine, and I think about my husband. I think about how much I love him, how I really appreciate something he just did for me, and I want to do something nice for him. These are great thoughts! These thoughts are loving, caring, inspiring. They’re worth listening to. Say a minute later, my mind goes to “I don’t deserve him… blah blah blah.” That, I let pass. I don’t listen.
We sabotage ourselves a lot in our heads. Either with destructive thoughts about ourselves or unnecessary, unhelpful, judgmental thoughts about whatever (or whoever) else.
As a general rule, warm and loving thoughts are worth listening to. Really any thought that could be considered “useful” in some way is worth listening to. Critical and unkind thoughts – just let ‘em go.
And now the third practice: cultivating more of those warm, feel-good thoughts.
I feel like that sounds cheesy or contrived, but it’s important. It’s why gratitude practices are such a big deal.
I’ve lately realized that I need more of No. 3 in my life. Taking out unnecessary negativity is great, but then there’s room to add something in. This does that.
A few examples: writing 10 things you’re grateful for; writing a daily intention every morning; sending love to three people who are bothering you in some way.
The key with these things is consistency. Make them into habits that regularly lift up our mental state and spirits.
For example, I have a white board in my bathroom. When I brush my teeth in the morning (with an electric toothbrush that runs for 2-minutes) I write my list of 10 things for which I’m grateful.
When I make my to-do list for the day, I take an extra moment to consider how I want the day to go and feel. I write that into an intention (three times to help it sink in), then text it to my sister, whom I’ve designated as my accountability buddy. It’s inspired her to try it out too.
As for sending out some love, that’s a wonderful and natural add-on to meditation.
These are just a few ideas. See what makes sense for you. What current habits could you attach a cultivating-positivity practice to? Is there anyone else you could bring in to help make it stick?
Each of the three steps I’ve mentioned are big topics in and of themselves. The habit-building aspect of step three alone could be a whole seminar. But I’m concluding this is all critical.
It’s a basic outline of the work we can do to get out of our own way. To help us enter a brighter headspace so our perceptions and experiences are increasingly better over time.
I think you (and I) are worth that effort — and that thought is worth listening to.