Two keys to positive change: mindfulness and small steps
We think a lot of thoughts.
The best estimate I came across is that we think around 6,000 thoughts per day. Some people say that number is more like 60,000. Numbers aside, the point is that our noggins are basically always churning, and a lot of our mental material is the same old stuff, over and over. Today’s thought pattern is a carbon copy of yesterday’s.
There’s no doubt that a lot of what I’ve been mentally ticking through today is exactly what I was chewing on yesterday. Even when the details change, the loops and general framework are about the same.
This creates a predicament.
We yearn to grow and evolve. We want better outcomes, for tomorrow to be brighter than today. But thinking the same thoughts leads to making the same choices and encountering the same experiences. Our hardwired thought patterns keep the structure and flavor or our lives fundamentally consistent.
But it is possible to change.
I’ve been reflecting on this lately. As I’ve been trying to inch into a better head space and lean more toward the light, two factors have stood out as mission-critical: mindfulness and small steps.
Mindfulness is about awareness. Becoming more aware of our thoughts and general inner landscape. Seeing what we say to ourselves in the privacy of our own heads and eventually, ideally, seeing the hidden narratives—the ingrained thoughts that we don’t even consciously think but have been cemented under the surface from past experiences—that shape the way we see and operate. Mindfulness also entails observing how we feel. Noticing when things shake us, what feels good, what feels bad. It takes stock of our broad internal experience.
This is big work. It’s a lifetime journey. The best way I’ve found to cultivate mindfulness is through meditation, but honest conversations, journaling, and nonjudgmental reflection can also help make us more aware and interrupt those automatic loops that keep us stuck. When we can see what’s going on, different choices—opportunities to initiate change—open up. Conscious choices become an option.
But choices can be daunting and difficult. This is where small steps come in.
I love small steps. I write about this all the time.
A lot of our lives have set structures that make major overhauls tricky, but we can play with little tweaks to steadily move in a positive direction bit by bit over time.
Author and teacher Martha Beck talks about a concept she calls “one degree turns.” She uses the metaphor of airplanes, saying that if a pilot turns a plane one degree every half-hour, passengers don’t notice, but they land in a very different place.
Small changes can take us far. They’re my go-to when I notice my own areas of struggle and even low-level angst.
For example, I now light a candle and play music when I make dinner to make the effort more enjoyable. My husband and I have sessions we call “appreciation Monday,” where we share what we appreciate in each other. It takes 2-5 minutes/week, but it brings us closer every time.
When I realized I was lonely and erring toward negativity late last year, I restructured my calendar to make it possible to see or talk to a friend at least every other week. That helped so much that I now do it once a week, if not more. These aren’t major changes, but they add up.
Besides meditation to get more clarity on your thoughts overall, I invite you to reflect your daily pain points. When and where do they come up? If you were to zero-in on one of them, what thoughts are underlying? Just notice what’s going on. That, in and of itself, is big and shockingly helpful. Then also consider any small changes you could make to disrupt the old loop and potentially kickstart a brighter new one.
I’ve had some friends help me through this process, but it starts with pondering these kinds of questions. Why not make some of your 6,000 to 60,000 thoughts today about that.