Ask yourself: Can I soften?
In challenging situations, we clench. It’s a natural mind/body response, and within it is an opportunity for healing and relief.
Say my husband and I get into an argument. In this purely hypothetical situation, my whole body would tighten. I’d cling to my ideas, or “my side,” which would elicit a physical gripping at the same time: shoulders hike, jaw clenches, forehead crunches, muscles contract. Mentally holding tightly to my beliefs would be matched by physically tightening as well.
This doesn’t only happen in interpersonal conflicts.
When we’re stuck in traffic and desperate to get home. When we’re consumed with epic to-do lists and stressed that there’s never enough time. When we’re on hold with the insurance company and we’re sure there’s a better way — anytime we resist what’s before us, that tension is replicated in the body. None of this feels great, and it breaks our bodies down over time.
So, here’s a practice I’ve been doing. It helps. I invite you to try it, too. Whenever you feel challenged, ask yourself: “Can I soften?”
When I do this, I don’t pressure myself to abandon thoughts or emotions. I don’t have to drop an argument or suddenly love being in Galleria traffic. The question is purely physical: Is there any tension in my body that I can let go of right now?
Every time I ask this question, the answer is yes. Cheeks soften, shoulders relax, belly unclenches, etc. Then, from releasing physical tightness, my mental stress always softens at least a little bit as well. Again, I don’t force any of this. I simply consider the question, but some measure of ease and relief is consistently on the other side.
Sometimes this translates into a shifted perspective that effectively ends the issue at hand; other times it just makes me feel lighter. Either way, less tension means more space and openness — prime conditions for healing and peace. Let’s take that wherever we can find it.