What to do when you’re blue
Feeling in the dumps isn’t fun. Obviously.
But when it happens, have you ever noticed how easy it can be to double down? To take steps the wrong way and make yourself feel even worse?
I think I’ve improved in this department over the years, but it still comes up.
Just the other night, for example, I felt a bout of anxiety hit as I was trying to wind down for bed. In response, without skipping a beat, I grabbed my phone, opened Facebook and doom-scrolled before taking a random deep dive into a friend of a friend’s profile. I ultimately decided the friend’s friend is cooler than me in basically every way.
Ugh.
As much as I know that these “fixes” don’t help, when I’m down a few pegs, they’re what I see: my phone, social media, targets for self-comparison. There’s nothing inherently wrong with these things, but there’s a low-level, mindless way to approach them that’s all too tempting when one is in a compromised state of mind — and submitting is a recipe for feeling worse.
I know this trap annoyingly well, and it’s getting old.
So, this week, I made a list. Well, two lists. What makes me feel better and what makes me feel worse. I spelled it all out.
Here’s how the latter list looked:
- Social media
- Overeating
- Undereating
- Snapping
- Beating myself up
- Melancholy music
- Analyzing other people
- Comparing myself
- Complaining
Seeing this on paper made it hit in a different way. It crystallized just how much my first instinctual, mindless response to feeling out of whack is to reach for something that doesn’t actually help at all.
The other list had the stuff that actually does lift me, including:
- Seeing and talking to friends; really connecting with them
- Exercise
- Taking a shower or bath
- Yoga
- Pounding the mattress with my fists when I’m angry
- Imagining an older, wiser version of myself offering my current self support and comfort
- Light and fun music
- Meditation
- A short nap
- A cup of coffee
- Finding meaning
- Consuming content that inspires or genuinely entertains me
My plan is to keep these lists handy. I’ll probably post them in my closet, and I already have a picture of them saved in my phone.
I imagine a lot of our lists would have somewhat similar content, but I think it’s really helpful to create our own and keep them in conspicuous spots.
I don’t think I’m alone in reaching for low-hanging fruit when I’m down, but this clearly illustrates how the sweeter stuff is up high. You just have to reach for it.
Drawing up a list just takes a few minutes, but it can be a helpful map: a reminder to look up and a guide for how to get there.
