How To Be More Assertive
Do you have trouble standing up for yourself? Or maybe on the other hand, do you tend to get hostile and confrontational?
If either is true, here are three tips for cultivating a healthy level of assertiveness.
1 – Accept your feelings.
I often write off how I feel because I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I’m annoyed by something, but I feel bad about that. Like I shouldn’t feel annoyed. This is a work in progress for me…
The truth is, how you feel isn’t good or bad, it just is. So instead of denying or discounting our feelings, the work is to acknowledge them. Allow them. No judging.
2 – Communicate effectively.
Say how you feel by making “I” statements. Instead of “you make me feel…,” (which hands over your power and can make the other person feel blamed), say “I feel angry when….”
This increases the chances the other person will actually be able to hear you.
3 – Remember there’s always a bigger picture.
If we could zoom out and take a bird’s-eye view, we’d be able to see the other person has a lifetime of experiences that shape their behaviors and points of view. This isn’t to make excuses, but perspective can help us understand and respond with compassion. That tends to lead to better outcomes, for everyone.