Louise Hay was a world-renowned author and life coach up until the day she died in 2017. She was an authority on healing and positive transformation.
Hay was clear on the fertilizer for all positive change: She believed self-love to be the answer to everything that’s wrong in our lives.
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If you’re like me, you may be thinking “cool … intriguing … but what does that mean?!”
What is she actually saying and how does one do self-love?
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Here’s an excerpt from Hay’s best-seller You Can Heal Your Life:
“…we do not have to bother with any of the side effects like body problems, relationship problems, money problems, or lack of creative expressions. We can put all our energy into dissolving the cause of the whole thing: ‘‘NOT LOVING THE SELF.’
For starters, Hay said self-love begins with “never ever criticizing ourselves for anything.” Self-approval and acceptance are the essence of self-love.
This doesn’t mean we should lack humility, indulge our egos, or live in some fairytale fantasy land where we falsely, arrogantly believe we can do no wrong. On the other hand, it means:
1) Catching self-critical thoughts:
Noticing when we compare ourselves or feel flashes of not being good enough.
…when we scold ourselves for any lack of perfection.
…when we look in the mirror and cringe.
…when we tell ourselves not to feel what we’re feeling.
…when we brush off compliments and deflect praise.
…when we call ourselves names (“I’m an idiot,” “I’m fat,” “I’m a mess.”)
…when we think we “should” be/do xyz…
2) Choosing to redirect those destructive thoughts (instead of behold, dwell on, or double-down).
The truth is that self-critical thought patterns are everyday occurrences for many of us, but we either a) don’t notice b) think they’re normal/benign.
They’re not benign. These thoughts have consequences. They’re like little daggers; they cut, and all those big and little cuts together over time make us less resilient, less vivacious, less energized — less fully, boldly, proudly ourselves.
But this can be turned around.
Let’s break it down more.
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For noticing criticism…
This means catching the loud and obvious digs, like “I’m a failure,” and the sneaky stuff, too.
On the latter end, I was slightly bummed recently when an accomplishment (which I was proud of) was largely overlooked by the folks in my circle. Sure, this wasn’t a big deal in the scheme of things. I knew that. So, my first instinct was to say, “get over it, Marci, it’s nothing.”
But I caught that thought. It’s a low-level, subtle variety of self-criticism and rejection–it doesn’t line up with self-approval and acceptance.
Upon noticing this, I chose to redirect my thinking by boldly and unapologetically being my own friend. That involved acknowledging and allowing the feelings and giving myself a pep talk.
I put my hand and said, “That’s a bummer,” and as I felt the tinge of disappointment, “I know you had hoped for a little more recognition.”
Then I added what I’d say to a friend, “You did something really cool. I see that. I think you’re a badass!”
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Beyond giving ourselves pep talks on the back end of self-criticism, Hay suggests making “I approve of myself” a daily mantra. She recommends saying it to ourselves hundreds of times a day.
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Now, incase you’re wondering/worrying…
The decision to stop criticizing yourself won’t turn you into an arrogant, stagnant, lazy, and ineffective softie.
We don’t need to be mean to ourselves to keep our edge and stay on our toes.
I agree with Hay that being kind and loving toward ourselves is a recipe for more success, joy, energy, vitality, and more powerful, rich, and fantastic self-expression.
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So…
Listen for that voice of criticism … choose to boldly and explicitly be your own friend … say “I approve of myself” early and often.
Kick this off with a bang right now by typing I APPROVE OF MYSELF into the comment section at the bottom of this page.
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I approve of you.
I approve of myself! 🤗