My goal and strong desire is to live from a “place of possibility.”
I think of this as a gear—a state of being—where amazing things can happen. It’s a mode of limitless potential. Worry, fear, doubt, and guilt may bubble up, but optimism and hope lead the way.
Living in this “possibility gear” doesn’t mean that stinky things never happen. They do. But instead of stinkiness being met with resistance and struggle, it’s met with acceptance and an enduring, bottom-line belief that, ultimately, life is conspiring in our favor.
The “place of possibility” is not the default setting for most of us. Not me, anyway. But I have trained myself into it.
It has become a practice that continues to make my days brighter (less full of struggle), and my actions more inclined toward taking chances and playing big in this one wild and precious life.
So, the question is how.
How can we train ourselves to live from a place of possibility?
It starts with noticing when we’re not in it—when we are caught up in fear thoughts, worry, and general low-level stuff.
Author and life coach Mary Morrissey has a technique for these moments that I use all the time. After noticing the fear-state, it has three steps:
1—pause
2—set an appointment
3—ask yourself a particular question.
I’ll explain, but first, here’s a way this has been playing out for me in real-time.
My daughter needs to have a major eye surgery soon.
My sweet girl has had more surgeries than I can count, and she’s not even 6-years old. This would be one of the biggest, and the doctor is not even sure it will work. It also has risks. Learning about the whole thing had me firmly planted in fear.
I found myself spending a lot of time in idle worry. That felt terrible, made me a drag to be around, and didn’t help or change a thing.
It took a bit, but I finally noticed the circular thinking that was pulling me into torment. So, I paused.
I set an appointment to dig into those big feelings and fears. Morrissey suggests setting a 15-minute window to dwell, feel, cry, whatever, three days after the moment of awareness. I did that.
Then, I considered this question: what possible good could be seeking to emerge right now?
This is a tricky question to ask when your child is gearing up for surgery, but I am devoted to leading my family from a place of possibility, so I tried it anyway.
I set my worries aside until their allotted time and, in the meantime, contemplated possible good: maybe after this, she won’t need another big surgery again; this could preserve her vision for life; this could be the best moment to do it because she’s young and isn’t scared and worried; she could be getting more resilient, strong, courageous, and proud of herself; this email could cause a lot of people to pray for her 😊
This process gave me relief and moved me out of pure fear and angst.
Of course, the worry isn’t gone. I still set periods to feel it, but now it’s not festering and infecting my psyche and household. Fear isn’t running the show.
There are a lot of difficult things in life that we could dwell on and make ourselves sick about. Living from a place of possibility is a better option.
First off, situations often resolve themselves within the three-day window. And, even when that doesn’t happen, possibility feels better and opens doors.
We are more inclined to take chances, be bold, pursue dreams, and do what lights us up when we compartmentalize fear and consciously and creatively imagine the good.
So, if you want to make the possibility gear your default mode, share this email with someone right now. Bring someone else into this space with you. That always helps.
And, start integrating Morrissey’s advice.
When you notice unhelpful, low-level, circular thoughts bringing you down:
1—pause
2—set an appointment: 3 days later, 15 minutes, feel it all
3—consider: what possible good could be seeking to emerge?
Let’s make 2024 a year of possibility.
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Note: my monthly membership program is called The Possibility Pod.
It offers exercises, encouragement, and inspiration to help you become more mindful so you can recognize when you’re in a possibility mindset (or not) AND move your life in that direction more. Check it out here!