We all know what a midlife crisis looks like.
The stereotype: someone who’s quietly unhappy but too out of touch to know why; someone who runs and grasps at shiny objects to fill their voids and mask their sorrows.
But I recently spoke with a woman who says we’ve been looking at this concept all wrong. She views the emergence of a so-called crisis — typically between 35 and 55 years old, where depression, anxiety and fear bubble up and cause us to reconsider everything — as an opportunity. Not for shiny quick fixes but for rediscovery and conscious steps in a positive new direction.
That’s how it was for her, anyway.
Two and a half years ago, Kathleen Cameron was a sick and stressed-out health care administrator on short-term disability, with the early rumblings of a crisis brewing. But instead of running or burying her head in the sand, she dug deep and started the process of what she now calls “glowing up.”
She started training with self-help speaker and author Bob Proctor and learned the tools and trade of manifesting a better life. Now, she’s a published author and life coach herself.
“Pretty much every aspect of my life now is different,” she says, “The city I live in, the house I live in, the job … some of the friendships … the relationship I have with my own body … everything is completely different,” she said. “It all started with the thinking in my own mind.”
So, that’s what she teaches people now.
Cameron walks others through “glowing up” with group programs, coaching and her book, “Becoming the One.” Here are her top five tips to turn a crisis into something positive and productive.
1. Visualize want you really want
“Manifestation is all about envisioning your dream life” she says.
Cameron suggests doing this as a daily meditation practice. She does hers in just 10 minutes.
The practice starts by focusing on breath and calming the mind. It then moves into the visualization component.
“You essentially daydream about what you want to bring into your life,” she says. “For some people, it’s envisioning their ideal vacation, some people it’s their business … I visualized quitting my job and being my own boss.”
2. Write two intentions per day and revisit them often
Cameron says this process requires accessing our less empowered thoughts and beliefs and creating new ones that serve us better.
She says intentions can be framed around beliefs about ourselves: “I am confident; there’s nothing I can’t do.” Or they can be framed around goals: “I work for myself, and business is booming!”
Her main pointers for intentions: always in the present tense; never more than two per day; physically write them; and revisit them throughout the day.
3. Reorient negative thinking
Cameron says learning to recognize and disregard our negative thoughts is critical, but it’s only half of the puzzle. She also suggests reframing negativity.
Say you make a mistake, and your first instinct is to think, “Ugh, I’m such an idiot.”
Cameron suggests looking for ways to turn that around and try on the opposite sentiment instead. Maybe you stop yourself and internally say something like, “I am very smart,” or “I run with my intuition.” She suggests trying on different present-tense reframe possibilities to find something that feels true, even if you don’t actually believe it at first.
4. Make good-naturedness a top priority
“It’s important to remember what you bring to another you bring to yourself. Good energy always comes back around,” she says.
Cameron says if we’re going to shift paradigms, we have to be mindful of what we put out. Being kind, loving and explicitly, relentlessly grateful will always do us good.
5. Have a support structure
This means a few different things. Cameron says she reads something that inspires her or fuels personal development for 15-30 minutes per day. She also attends trainings and has mentors and a community that support her. She says we all need a combination of these things to help reinforce and more deeply ingrain our independent inner work.
She adds that part of this process involves letting go of whatever is not supportive and aligned with your goals.
“When you ask for more, be prepared for anything that doesn’t serve you to leave your life,” she says.
Cameron says crises are a misnomer. She says midlife and aging in general are wonderful things.
We know ourselves better. We know our preferences, what feels right, what feels wrong. It makes sense to change our minds and pivot. It makes sense to glow up.