Sometimes we all get knocked down. It’s how we get back up that’s worth talking about.
So, recently I did just that with Nikki Bruno, founder of The Epic Comeback, a coaching program for people recovering from a big hit. Bruno specializes in mentoring women out of high-conflict divorces, but she’s also counseled folks through cancer, infertility, personal losses, business fallouts, you name it.
The comebacks Bruno’s helped inspire have taken various forms. One woman launched a business as a professional organizer, another organized a women’s retreat. She guided one person to jump back on the saddle with online dating; one more started a blog. But Bruno says these accomplishments are less significant than the inner shifts that most people who’ve taken a big blow deeply need.
“My clients are working to reclaim their relationship with themselves,” she says.
How?
Bruno says the basic anatomy of a comeback entails bold honesty, letting go of what doesn’t serve you, crystalizing a vision, and taking intentional steps forward. More specifically, she has an eight-step process.
If you’ve been through the ringer, it’s helpful to be shepherded through this kind of soul-work. I also know from experience that when you’re down-and-out but devoted to digging in and doing the work, big things can happen. But there’s something for all of us here. Even if you’re next rough moment is literally a moment (say, a spat with your spouse instead of a high-drama divorce), this is a helpful framework for stopping and changing course.
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1. The turning point.
This is when you stop. It’s the mindful pause when you step back from the track you’re on.
2. The reckoning.
Brutal honesty enters here.
“Until you tell yourself the full truth, you’re not going to be able to get to where you want to be,” Bruno says.
Assess where you are. Ask: Where am I succeeding? Where am I failing?
Radical acceptance is a critical part of this step. It’s not about beating yourself up. Think fierce honesty and relentless self-compassion.
3. Clearing
Let go. Get rid of what’s holding you back. The fears, the beliefs, relationships, stuff—release what doesn’t feel good or serve a clear purpose.
4. Create a vision.
“What does my comeback look like?” Get really clear. Use your imagination. Visualize it. Feel it.
5. Make a plan.
This and the next few steps are pretty self-explanatory.
6. Take action.
7. Troubleshoot.
8. Epic launch.
This is where Bruno’s clients unveil the outer manifestation of their inner transformation (i.e. that online dating profile or new business brochure).
This part may seem less relevant in subtler situations, but it’s meant to be a celebratory step, and it’s always worth considering how you can step out and celebrate your wins!
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My biggest takeaway our conversation is that we can always start over. When we’re willing to go within, powerful turnarounds are possible from the big traumas in our lives, and the little hiccups, too.
Remembering this is key for an epic comeback, and life.