“We inherit our mother’s fears.” Someone mentioned this in passing recently, and it stopped me in my tracks. Instead of questioning the premise, I dove right into considering it.

It’s interesting to think about which of our fears are original and which we could have subconsciously absorbed. But this also made me think about what I could be transmitting to my kids.

Ever since first grade, when I wasn’t as quick with flashcards as some my classmates, I’ve had a fear of not being smart enough. Today, I’m married to an Ivy League-educated lawyer and engineer. I still revert to that 6-year-old more often than I’d like to admit. I don’t want my kids inheriting that.

Ditto for the fear of needing to look a certain way to be beautiful.

My daughter is missing toes and has some differences with her hands. The last thing I want is for her to believe the exceedingly prevalent lie that beauty fits a mold.

I hope that both of my kids carry a deep knowledge that all their quirks and imperfections make them interesting, original and fabulously human. Truly knowing that is the ultimate brilliance and beauty. It’s inspiring, too.

The tricky part is that imparting this message takes more than words. I have to model it. I have to heal the fears in myself.

Whether you’re a mom, dad, or even if you don’t have kids, we profoundly affect the people around us. So regardless of where our fears come from, let’s pick a few to end with us. Perhaps that’s easier said than done, but it’s worth whatever it takes. More love, joy and a legacy we’re proud of are on the other side.

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