Feel Your Best Tip: Don’t Take Anything Personally
7/17/17 — Here are some of the ways that I practice this week’s tip (watch the video for WHY this is so important).
This list focuses on how to handle people who are trying to tear you down. People that do not have your best interest at heart.
- Give yourself a pat on the back when someone is critical.
Generally speaking, if someone is critical of you, it’s because you have put yourself out there. You have chosen not to be a wallflower. You have stepped up and chosen to be bold. Be proud of that! Everyone that dares to be seen will be criticized. It’s not possible to be genuinely successful while crouching in your comfort zone. So give yourself a pat on the back for being brave. Trust that your vulnerability will be rewarded.
- Love yourself.
People being unkind to you provides a golden opportunity for you to be kind to yourself. Instead of jumping on the bandwagon with the haters and getting down on yourself too, recognize the opportunity to practice self-care. This decision alone can be life-changing. So many of our problems stem from a lack of self-love. We hold ourselves back and sabotage our own success in clear and subtle ways. Whether you notice this in yourself or not, use criticism as a reminder that higher levels of success, health, and happiness come from loving and approving of ourselves. Tell yourself you are valuable. Know that. Again, honor yourself for being bold. Criticism can definitely sting, but when it comes up, bring these thoughts and feelings into view as well. Someone can try to take you down, but they actually help raise your potential.
- Know it’s not about you.
As the video explains, how we see things actually says more about ourselves than anything else. Consider that the person giving you feedback may be talking about themselves more than you. This might help you to have compassion for the person and let it go.
- Recognize a troll.
I read this tip online. It’s particularly useful when feedback is anonymous or through an intermediary (i.e. internet comments or through another person). This kind of feedback, when aggressive, is chickenshit. Anyone with real concerns can address you kindly and directly. Any other way is cowardly and not worth your time. Recognize trolls, wish them well (no need to get worked up!), and move on with your life.
- Find a role model.
I have a few friends that are amazing at not taking things personally. They inspire me. Some celebrities seem exceptional at this too. Find a role model and remember how they shake things off.
What’s your strategy? Tell me what you think and share your ideas on Facebook.
Feel Your Best Tip: How to Feel Good
6/26/17 — Happiness researcher and author Shawn Achor says we can start to rewire our brains, feel happier, and ultimately be more successful if we do the following five things every day, for 21 days in a row (below video).
Gratitude – write three things you’re grateful for; three new things daily
Journal – write about one positive experience daily
Perform random acts of kindness – reach out and praise one person daily
“Your brain at positive performs significantly better than it does at negative, neutral, or stressed,” he says. “Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy levels rise.”
Achor says these activities create a “happiness advantage.” In short, he says that when we feel better, we’re more productive, resilient, and adaptable; all outcomes improve when we’re in a good place.
Try it and share what works for you!
Feel Your Best Tip: Change Your Words, Change Your Life
5/24/16 — One of the hallmarks of a great friend (or therapist), is being a great listener.
These precious souls hear us and through that, help us to hear ourselves. That’s huge. I’ve found that the answers we seek–where we’re going wrong, and what we need to do for our lives to work better–are not actually outside of our awareness. That insight is right there, often tangled up in our heads and words. Sometimes another person can be helpful in extracting it. And we can do it for ourselves too.
At its essence, today’s tip is to practice listening to ourselves. As the video beckons us to consider: what are your words really saying?
Start by noticing how you use common (and revealing) words like: “busy,” “should,” and “just.”
As you become more aware, make adjustments as needed, and continuously, compassionately refine your own internal ear.
In my experience, this leads us to make more positive choices in our words, and more.
Feel Your Best Tip: Two Ways To Be Happier Immediately
5/8/16 — Happiness is closely linked with mindset and level of positivity. In today’s tip, I share two ways to give yourself a positivity boost.
First: sing or dance. Make this as expressive as possible, even if it’s just for 30 seconds, you’re completely by yourself, and you really don’t feel like it.
Action changes the way we feel. Don’t wait until you feel like dancing or belting a tune. Do it, and see how it shifts your mood.
Second: mentally list a bunch of things you’re grateful for. Nothing is too small. You can even look around the room and go from there. “I’m grateful for this comfy couch.” “I’m grateful for the brightness in this room.” List a good 10-15 things.
Gratitude is a pathway out of pits. I believe the percentage of time we’re grateful is pretty darn close to the percentage of time we’re happy.
I know from experience these tricks can give you a positivity surge, and the more we get that level up, the better everything works out!
Feel Your Best Tip: How To Be More Assertive
4/25/17 — Do you have trouble standing up for yourself? Or maybe on the other hand, do you tend to get hostile and confrontational?
If either is true, here are three tips for cultivating a healthy level of assertiveness.
1 – Accept your feelings.
I often write off how I feel because I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I’m annoyed by something, but I feel bad about that. Like I shouldn’t feel annoyed. This is a work in progress for me…
The truth is, how you feel isn’t good or bad, it just is. So instead of denying or discounting our feelings, the work is to acknowledge them. Allow them. No judging.
2 – Communicate effectively.
Say how you feel by making “I” statements. Instead of “you make me feel…,” (which hands over your power and can make the other person feel blamed), say “I feel angry when….”
This increases the chances the other person will actually be able to hear you.
3 – Remember there’s always a bigger picture.
If we could zoom out and take a bird’s-eye view, we’d be able to see the other person has a lifetime of experiences that shape their behaviors and points of view. This isn’t to make excuses, but perspective can help us understand and respond with compassion. That tends to lead to better outcomes, for everyone.
Feel Your Best Tip: Raise Your Sense of Self-Worth
4/12/17 — Do you have many self-destructive thoughts? “I can’t do this.” “I’m such an idiot.” “I look disgusting.”
If any of that’s familiar, it’s safe to say you’re blocking ability to really enjoy your life and live out your fullest potential.
Years ago, Sonia told me that she tries to be mindful of her own negative self-talk. When the voice in her head starts to get going and says something destructive, she notices that, mentally says “delete,” and lets that thought go.
I actually don’t know if Sonia still does this, but she’s been really successful–it’s worked.
I think things like this are what help certain people to get ahead. No one is immune to negative thinking. We just need to learn how to manage it. I still use this trick all the time.
I believe we get what we think we’re worthy of; anything that helps us to remove some of the junk that makes us feel unworthy can be a pathway to a richer and more abundant life. Try it out!